Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
