Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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