i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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