There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
