please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
