this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
