Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He has the fingertips of a God
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
