Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
