Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
