i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
