Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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