He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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