I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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