Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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