T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
