Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
