so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
