i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
