Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
