A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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