You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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