Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
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