oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
