i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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