Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
