It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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