you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
