Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
