Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
