YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
