Just cropdusted the office
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
