census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
