I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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