I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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