When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
