thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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