I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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