if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
