My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
