I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
