my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Say something about gay babies.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
