Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I would ride that face into the sunset
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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