In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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