does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
