R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
