and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
