Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
