Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
