i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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