im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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