if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
